I’ve been using my talent for communication as a tool for passing along what I have gleaned from my experience in the mystical for as long as I can remember. Even as a pre-pubescent child I was an instrument of awakening, acting out behavior that speaks of how impermanent and temporary is this plane of existence. Likewise, on the other side of the coin, I too have longed for this worldly experience to be permanent and substantial. I have managed to fool myself at times, even become attached to people and situations, only to have this attachment torn from me, or to be made aware that bliss is elsewhere. I would follow the bliss wherever it led knowing that my sense of permanence is being rent and torn into shreds of memory, even as pieces of it remain a part of my new setting.

A good example is my relationship with my children. They remain connected in their own minds and I reciprocate as best I can, knowing I could be permanently gone from this at any moment. They and everything else would pass beyond, even forgotten. And I have chosen to deal with knowing they, as well, could leave me here, to grieve a loss of something not real and certainly not mine.

Recent revelation has made this inevitability so clear to me that I feel compelled to prepare myself. A crossroad has been reached. I either do this, or I lose the opportunity to die happy and willing to surrender all we call reality to that which is in fact real. In other words… I abhor the idea of this body dying sad and unhappy, feeling resentment and separation from the Self.

Certain Buddhist beliefs hold there is no GOD, at least in the sense that other religions put forth, as a superior form of conscious “personality” in which mankind is imaged. It is interesting that I have experienced both the quality of a Light devoid of personality and identifying qualities as well as a Love as a realm of Beingness from which I emanate, serving It’s purpose, held lovingly in It’s bosom and mirroring all the creative humanly expressible qualities. Even recently odd combinations of perspective have been presented for my continuing education. A void from which emanates an all knowing light, and my seeing this light, as it exposes my personal fear of nothingness as I long for full immersion in this Light. This conflict we all live with, regardless of our consciously realizing it or not.

When I was fourteen months old I was introduced to the pure white light that exists at the core of Being. I remained conscious of this light for many years and was unaware others had not this awareness. As I became more aware of the differences between myself and others in this regard it faded from my consciousness and around age fifteen I became very sad, in fact miserable. There were many other components to my life contributing to my great misery. All, I am sure, came from me not to me. Then, in the midst of a despair which had grown huge at twenty five years, I had another mystical experience lasting for several months. It varied in intensity from completely swallowing all I am conscious of being to a subtle awareness of a presence which followed me about, occasionally simply a peripheral presence. This experience did nothing to alleviate despair over all. That misery persisted for another twenty years, occasionally becoming so deep and dark I actively sought justification for death, which I longed for almost constantly. In other words I wanted to die every day, with the exception of that one six month high time speckled with several days of the pure ecstasy of total immersion.

Please understand, my life was filled with activities contributing to my learning about the nature of the physical and the metaphysical realms. I sought knowledge in every corner of my experience. I consorted with every level of human suffering through those whom I met in my widely varied travels, spending years as a wandering Sadu. Never has there been a dull moment. Everything I’ve experienced relates, in some way, to the quest for release from bondage to the temporal. The tapestry of my experiences has been vast. I’ve met many spiritually awakened Beings, some not of this world and some very, very physical. I’ve found myself repeatedly moving from one community setting to another gathering knowledge on all levels. Some were deliberately formed; others formed spontaneous with none of the participants having any understanding why they were brought together. I was an awakened, more often than not, hiding from them with them, seeking self acknowledgment while fearing self destruction.

In 1980 an astrologer I was studying with pointed out that around age 47 “my life would take off like a rocket.” I cannot say that’s what I’ve experienced but a substantial change did occur. As 45 years began to dawn I felt a relief from my despair, I had worked hard by this time to alleviate my condition of mind. In every way attempting to encourage the choice to live. The deep despair began to pass and now, for all but a moment of two now and then, I am expansive and without hesitation participate (if allowed to pause for guidance) in what ever may be presented. A far cry from wanting to disappear into oblivion. The advent of becoming a Breathwork practitioner in 1987 accelerated my process. In many instances opportunities were afforded me as a result of using the breath as a healing tool, clearing obstacles to spiritual access. The following is one such event and it leads directly to the answer of “why.”

In late 1996 (I was 49) I met a gentleman named Keith Sherwood. He’d written a couple of books, one about the chakras and one titled THE ART OF SPIRITUAL HEALING. This one is quite good and instructs its reader in techniques and explains clearly its premise. Based on the understanding that all “things” are thoughts and each has its own vibration, the practitioner transforms the vibration from a destructive or obstructive pattern to facilitative or at least transparent to pure energy. My experiences before and since along with all I have read support this practice.

I employed his services and he removed from me several “thoughts projected onto me in an attempt to either control or kill me. (I should tell you my life has been quite violent for the most part of the first twenty years and many companions were of the darkest quality.) These obstructive “thoughts” were no more real than any other aspect of this world but we must work with the laws of the illusion if we are to escape it.

One of these “thoughts” turned out to be my own. I had put it there early in life and it was the most heinous of them all. During the removal (my eyes are closed) of the others I was aware of a shifting of energy and a lightness of Being which came over me. However, during the removal of the “self-made” obstruction there was much more to note. I saw a swirling mass of black energy surrounding me on all sides, much like a tornado with me at the center. Dr. John Lilly’s book CENTER OF THE CYCLONE comes to mind. Within this tornado of energy there were shards of glass and metal. I saw that this was an energy pattern I had placed there for at least one reasonable purpose; to protect me from others. However, as I became more willing to present myself to others I also became aware they were often afraid of me. If one wishes to pass along wisdom, to say nothing of love, this presents a difficulty. No one but the very brave or the very stupid could get past this swirl of slice and dice. One person, deep in my past, referred to my energy as “snakes and knives.” Then I thought she was referring to my business which was lawn maintenance at that time. But it was an aspect of my consciousness we could both see from our willing and enlightened state of mind in that moment.

Mr. Sherwood said to me at one point, “you are like a priest who has lost his dream.” I puzzled over this for a while. Then a few years later it began to dawn on me I had hoped for a spiritually oriented community since the early 70’s. I had, in fact, had a vision of this during one of those days of blissfully just Being.

The image is one of a group of people who allow each other their differences and focus on what is common among them. Common in the sense of having a like-minded frame of reference much like musicians who are “in the groove” or an athlete who is in the “zone.” A gathering of people who are one in heart and mind for moments long enough to recognize and acknowledge themselves as such. Knowledge of the True nature of Being would be an unavoidable result. They don’t have to live in the same manner though I suspect there would be strong similarities in the manner of their living. They won’t live, necessarily in the same place but do gather as if to live for a brief time in enclosed settings. Safe and away from the raiment of the collective ego they would find intimate experiences which free them from fear and self loathing so easily they realize sharing Love in simple ways as the deepest aspect of themselves. They share through music, art, song and movement and intimacy which gently exposes the unreal. All experiences together become Holy Communion (joining in peace). “Where two or more are gathered in my name (Love) there shall I be also.”

That is why I want to “start a church.”

Rev. Michael Stone
P.O. Box 2272
Winter Park, FL 32790
407-222-2486 office
michael@spiritbreath.com